So basically, I have to talk about my love life.
So here are a few words to quickly summarize what my love life is at the current moment: LMAO. Shit. A Joke.
I am really starting to wonder why this had to be Day 1.
Ok, well here it goes. I am a not in a relationship in the moment. In fact, in my almost 20 years of living, I have never had a real relationship with any male yet. I’ve never been someone’s girlfriend, never had any real commitment with any person, so therefore I can say that I’ve never been in love with anybody before.
But I can say I have various guys whom I’ve liked and tried to pursue something along the lines of a relationship with. But as you can tell from the previous paragraph, nothing has been able to work out yet. I could write books on those past experiences but this post is supposed to be dedicated to the present, so let’s stay on task.
Single Life is something I am beyond used to. If Single Life was a town, I’d probably be working directly under the mayor. I haven’t quite decided how I feel about single life yet. For starters, I don’t really mind being single for the simple fact of watching a lot of my friends being involved in shit relationships and the amount of crap they put themselves through. I am a very independent person so fully committing myself to a person is a little scary to me and I will damned if I commit myself to someone and they try me like a fool. I also don’t mind being single because there are plenty of guys that catch my eye on regular and since I’m not dating anybody, I have a free pass to attempt to flirt with whomever I chose whenever I chose.
But like anything, there are parts of being single that really just suck. Probably the first one would be Valentine’s Day. I’ve never celebrated Valentine’s Day with anyone before and it seems like every year, that day just reaches a new level of sucking. Call it being bitter or jealous, whatever you want. Valentine’s Day is a day of love and if you’re not in love, you can’t help but feel some type of way. Another thing that feels really bad whenever you’re single, is the amount of times you catch yourself feeling lonely. You don’t do it on purpose but often you find yourself just wanting to get up and go do something with a guy that brings you so much happiness and joy. There is nothing like being around someone who makes you feel like the best “you” possible. That being said, whenever you’re single sometimes it feels like you aren’t worthy enough of being truly in love with someone.
Back in high school, when everyone had those cute, little relationships (which now looking back on it, you realize were pointless as shit), it was literally one of the first moments where you found yourself questioning “well what’s wrong with me and why don’t I have one?”. Being single can be the ultimate slap in the face a lot of times too. You know you have so much to offer and you know that are such a great catch but it seems like no one is willing to take a chance on you and find out all that you are. But you watch all of your friends that who don’t take relationships seriously, or just using guys for various resources (ex. money, sex, etc) and they just continue to find guy after guy who is dumb enough to believe that what they have is “real”. See didn’t that feel like I just slapped you across the face? My point.
I used to be one of those girls that was like “Forever Alone” and the fates were already decided by God so I better get used to being alone and watching everyone else “be happy”. But the more I was blessed with “what I wanted”, the more I realized that wasn’t what I wanted. I have promised myself that one day I am going to meet someone who instantly thinks that I am amazing, and chooses to love me unconditionally despite all my flaws and allows for me to help make him the person he can be. And I chose to believe that because I know I deserve it. Even though I made that promise to myself, it doesn’t mean that going through the whole process of dating and relationships is going to be easy. But as long as I know that one day, I am going to find the person who completes me then that is more than enough reason to never give up on love.