So for the past few weeks, I have been feeling quite lonely.
I am missing the company of people. While I am at school, I am hardly by myself. In fact the only time I am by myself is when I’m sleeping. I consider myself to be a people person so therefore I receive a natural high from being around people all the time. Especially being around people where I can act myself around. Since I’ve been home as stated before in previous posts, I am realizing that I don’t have a lot of friends here. Therefore I haven’t really hung out with any of my friends for a couple of weeks now. Literally all I do is go to work or go to church and come right back home. I should be using this time to work on myself but I really just miss being around my friends. It makes me ready to go back to school, as much I am trying not to say it. I miss all that school brings, I find that while I am under a lot of stress at school, I am my happiest self. So that explains why I haven’t so happy here either. Just about 7 more weeks and then I’ll be back at school. Cue the “Cheers” theme song.
I also find myself really wondering if the reason I am so lonely is because I brought this on myself. I have been going on this quest of trying to get rid of the bad seeds in my life and I may have just isolated myself from everyone without even realizing it. I feel like I am pushing people away but I have no reason as to why. I feel really defeated. I was once really excited for my birthday but I find I keep trying to talk myself out of taking the trip. I keep letting myself believe things that aren’t true and this when I have to fight everything within me to just get up and go after it. Times like this is when I really wish I had a “best” friend or a boyfriend. I catch myself looking out of the window on the bus at the people who seem to be enjoying their significant other or best friends and I can’t help but wonder “When will that be me?”.