Somewhere between I want it and I got it.
It’s been a little too long since I’ve graced everybody’s presence but I’m back. I can’t make any promises that I’ll be a little more consistent but just know I’m here and I haven’t forgot about you.So the main question is what has been going on?
What hasn’t been going on?
Back at school, junior year in college. I managed to get an internship, which is turning out to be a completely different experience than I ever imagined it to be. I’m VP of the step team now, so with that comes a lot of effort, frustration, patience and most importantly, responsibility. I managed to get a job, which actually convenient for me but still add it to the list.
So that means 5 classes, internship, practice three times a week, VP duties, work, club participation. All while trying to have a social life and keep my sanity. If you’re wondering if I’m keeping my sanity, LOL that left along time ago.
That’s not to say that I have turned crazy and I’m losing control of everything. Thankfully that has not happened, and it won’t happen either. When I say I’m losing my sanity, it basically means that I have had to become real honest about things just because I don’t have the time to waste anymore.
Since being back at school, my full outlook on life has changed tremendously. I have become a whole new person. I am now starting to really put things into perspective. There are too many things that I want in my life and if I sit and wait for them, they won’t ever happen. I’ve began to take life by the reigns and everything is starting to come around. Instead of constantly over thinking about everything, taking it one day at time has become something I’m getting better at. Placing things at various levels of importance has shown me what I really want. I’ve started to stay true to myself, because whenever I feel I have to compromise, it doesn’t feel right; It messes with my whole being. I’ve started holding things close, something my mother has told me to do since I was kid. Finally took her up on it and I’ve witnessed the benefit of it.
So since I am changing, new opportunities are coming my way. New opportunities that require a new approach. New approaches require change. And with change comes a stubborn Tori.
This is where I bring in “The In Between”. I feel like I’m in between where I once was and where I want to be. Here lately, especially these past few weeks, I’ve been faced with some completely new circumstances. Considering these situations are different from anything else I’ve been in, I tried to take my time and handle them in what way seems best. And a few times, I’ve shocked myself. I did things I didn’t even realize I knew how to do and I would feel so inspired and like everything was going the way it was supposed to.
But like anything, something always comes up. Something always happens that throws you off and that inspiration you had five minutes ago is running down the street somewhere. Here is what we call “a test”. I panic when I am faced with something and I don’t know how to handle it. Or even better, I panic when I’m faced with something that requires major change (discomfort) and I feel like I can’t do it.
My “In Between” would be staying true to what I want and working towards that instead of reverting back to my old ways and expecting new results. Currently, I feel stuck. I have changed in major ways and I have seen the benefits of approaching life different. But when things are done different, the outcome is different. And the way in which it’s done is different. When the results are happening the way I’m used to, I am so quick to want to go back and revert to my old ways (even when I knew that was the wrong way to handle it). My “In Between” includes me being uncomfortable, both physically and mentally, because I know I am destined for greater things. My “In Between” is me holding out and striving for diamonds, when nothing but rhinestones keep trying to force their way into my vision path.
Somewhere between I want it and I got it.
So I’m writing this for me today, so I know that I am doing the right thing. I’m writing this today so you know it’s fine to irritated with how stagnant everything is going. Even when change seems like the hardest thing possible, I have to stick to what I know is right. It’s going to take outgrowing things, people, ways and mindsets in order for you to move ahead. Great things are coming. Good things come to those who wait. But they forget to mention that waiting can be the part of life you don’t want to do. Be patient, stay true to you and the gems of this life will be yours.